So... I've been talking to a friend for a couple hours, now. Though, it seems only like a minute. It's been a while since I've spoken to him. I admit, I did miss talking to him. My brain hasn't had such a good conversation for a while. I like that I usually have to think with him.

He talked about his girlfriend and I enjoyed reading what he wrote. He loves her, a lot. And I could not help but hope that I find someone to love me as much as he loves her. It's sweet.
He helped me, a little, in the department of finding a guy. He asked me a couple questions and I had to tell him that I'd work on it. For now, I'm just looking for experience in dating/relationships. Ya'know? I don't want to find the one, just yet. I'd rather find someones that make me feel special and that will be there for me when I need them or that will make me feel loved when I think the world has turned it's back on me. (Which, sadly, is most of the time) It wouldn't take much. Just a simple gesture. Like holding my hand, giving me a hug, kiss on the cheek, anything. It does not have to be a huge thing. Just simple. The simplest are the best, in my opinion.


I've thought about God a few times. I don't believe, anymore... Actually, I'm not even sure if I ever did believe. Has He ever given me a chance to believe that He is there? I feel so alone and I don't know why. I have friends and family, but I can't open up to them... God has not been in my life. He has caused me too much pain to be in my life. I thought He was supposed to help you and all of that. Well, where's my help? Where's God when I need him? He has not shown me any sign that he has been around. He's only taken people away from me and caused most to hurt me. How can I turn to Him with all that's happened? I can't believe in Him. I won't let myself. I feel that if I turn to Him, He will abandon me before he had a chance to help me. That He will turn His back on me because I turned my back on Him.
Is that bad? Should I give Him a try?
If I do, I can't give myself fully to Him. I don't know why. I just can't give all of myself to Him. I don't know how. I'm too scared of what might happen.