I found some quotes on the internet that I had to put up because I like them or they can relate to how I feel.
Here are a few:
"I wish I could just believe in myself."
"I feel lost inside myself."
"I'm the kind of girl you can hear from miles away-the kind that if your sad its her job to make you happy... the kind of girl who keeps messing up & saying "oops sorry" I trip over everything. I'm such a cluttz & I get so mad at the simplest thing but I'm also the girl who holds everything back. If you ask me what's wrong I'll just lie & smile saying "oh nothing". The girl who's afraid of love, Because she already lost so much."
"I'm so lost... I'm barely here."
"Hug the hurt. Kiss the broken. Befriend the lost. Love the lonely."
"When a relationship dies, do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past."
"No matter how dark, there is light if you keep moving forward..."
"The way to love something is to realize it might be lost."
"Don't count what you lost, cherish what you have and plan what to gain cause the past never returns but the future may fulfill the loss."
"I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait."
"It's sad when people you know become people you knew. When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely look even at them..."
"Some people blame our generation, but have they ever stopped to think, who raised us??"
"Life is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories and learning from the past."
"I'm the one who has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want too."
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
"Be yourself because everybody else is taken."
"Not everything can be perfect. Not everyday can be a good day. Life gives us obstacles & you need to learn to get over them, some are bigger and some take more time to manage. But in the end, everything is going to be worth it..."
"When I think about everything wrong, I remember how amazing life truly is and the fact that I like being imperfect."
There will be more to come... =)
6/30/10
Realization
I was lying here on the couch, trying to fall asleep. My brain was running over the day's events and what He said and what I've said... And WAM! It hits me. He was right. I am such an idiot. I didn't see it before. Either that or I wanted to be blind to it.
He kept saying that he reminds me of someone and that's why I am falling for him. God. I feel so stupid. I should've thought about it more instead of going with the first answer that popped into my head... He remineds me of three people. The same three people that have hurt me, that were jerks to me. Of course I like him. He is like all three of them, just without the jerk part.
God. I don't know whether to curl up and cry or to be happy... Right now. I'm leaning more towards the crying part... Yes. I actually want to cry because of how stupid I am.
I'm falling for King because he reminds me of Buster, Rancher, and June.
He reminds me of Buster because he is easy to talk too and I know I can tell him anything. He is a great friend.
He reminds me of Rancher because he is really nice to me and it seems like he actually cares.
He reminds me of June because he is witty and a smartass.
When it first hit me, I thought it couldn't be true. But as I thought about it a little more, I was like "oh shit. what have I done?"
So. I was right. There is something wrong with me. And King saw it the very first day we met... Well, okay. It was probably the second or third day, but you get what I mean...
How could I be so stupid and so blind? There should have been warning bells going off inside my head. They should have been telling me to stay away from him... And you know what? They were, at first. They went off when I realized he could read me. When he started to tell me what I was feeling. But I didn't listen, did I? No. Of course not. I was ignorant.
With this new realization comes the hard part. I have to stop my feelings for him. Now. Not tomorrow, not next week. NOW. I need to tell myself that he is bad news and that he will hurt me, just like them. Which, ultimately, is true. He will hurt me... And he sorta already has. Without meaning too, of course...But still. I must convince myself like I did with Buster. I have to tell myself that he is just like them. If he has their niceness, then he also has their jerkiness. Sure. He is all nice and everything now, but what happens in the future? He may pull a Buster. Or possibly a Rancher. I can't have that... Oh god. What if he pulls a June? No. I can not take that. I forbid myself from liking him. I am NOT going to subject myself to those three again. No. Not going to happen. They were in my life once, they're not going to be in my life anymore. (Except Buster, he is my best friend afterall.)
It all makes sense now. Everything. It all fits together perfectly. I just can't get over how stupid I was/am. No wonder I pick the losers...
Now. To the guy of my dreams, I know that you are out there. I am going to believe in you, again. I have only one thing to say to you: "I'm ready when you're ready for me."
That is a quote from a really good song called Yours To Hold by Skillet.
From now on, I am not going to look for a guy and I really am going to be done with them... When the guy of my dreams shows up, it will be because HE found ME. Not the other way around.
He kept saying that he reminds me of someone and that's why I am falling for him. God. I feel so stupid. I should've thought about it more instead of going with the first answer that popped into my head... He remineds me of three people. The same three people that have hurt me, that were jerks to me. Of course I like him. He is like all three of them, just without the jerk part.
God. I don't know whether to curl up and cry or to be happy... Right now. I'm leaning more towards the crying part... Yes. I actually want to cry because of how stupid I am.
I'm falling for King because he reminds me of Buster, Rancher, and June.
He reminds me of Buster because he is easy to talk too and I know I can tell him anything. He is a great friend.
He reminds me of Rancher because he is really nice to me and it seems like he actually cares.
He reminds me of June because he is witty and a smartass.
When it first hit me, I thought it couldn't be true. But as I thought about it a little more, I was like "oh shit. what have I done?"
So. I was right. There is something wrong with me. And King saw it the very first day we met... Well, okay. It was probably the second or third day, but you get what I mean...
How could I be so stupid and so blind? There should have been warning bells going off inside my head. They should have been telling me to stay away from him... And you know what? They were, at first. They went off when I realized he could read me. When he started to tell me what I was feeling. But I didn't listen, did I? No. Of course not. I was ignorant.
With this new realization comes the hard part. I have to stop my feelings for him. Now. Not tomorrow, not next week. NOW. I need to tell myself that he is bad news and that he will hurt me, just like them. Which, ultimately, is true. He will hurt me... And he sorta already has. Without meaning too, of course...But still. I must convince myself like I did with Buster. I have to tell myself that he is just like them. If he has their niceness, then he also has their jerkiness. Sure. He is all nice and everything now, but what happens in the future? He may pull a Buster. Or possibly a Rancher. I can't have that... Oh god. What if he pulls a June? No. I can not take that. I forbid myself from liking him. I am NOT going to subject myself to those three again. No. Not going to happen. They were in my life once, they're not going to be in my life anymore. (Except Buster, he is my best friend afterall.)
It all makes sense now. Everything. It all fits together perfectly. I just can't get over how stupid I was/am. No wonder I pick the losers...
Now. To the guy of my dreams, I know that you are out there. I am going to believe in you, again. I have only one thing to say to you: "I'm ready when you're ready for me."
That is a quote from a really good song called Yours To Hold by Skillet.
From now on, I am not going to look for a guy and I really am going to be done with them... When the guy of my dreams shows up, it will be because HE found ME. Not the other way around.
I will be here.
Waiting.
(I just hope I am not left waiting for too long..)
6/29/10
.
So... I'm sitting here at my computer, eating some pudding, and not entirely sure how I feel. I talked to the guy that I like for a bit. He found my last post, of course. I figured he would. My fault for giving him the blog address a couple days ago... Now, I'm starting to rethink this whole thing. Maybe I should stop now before I get in over my head and something happens. I don't know what, but something could happen for the worst... So. I really have to ask myself. Do I want to risk losing a friend just to teach myself a lesson? A lesson that I do not even know what it is. No. I don't think I do. But if I try to stop these feelings and it doesn't work, then what? Either way. I'm going to get hurt... And for once. In a strangely horrible way, I'm looking forward to it. Sad, huh? What is happening to me? Should I be this messed up that I am looking forward to getting hurt for once? I mean, honestly, what IS wrong with me?
And as always. I don't have the answers. I don't think I ever will... Maybe I should talk to my Grandpa. He always makes me feel better even if I don't remember our conversations. I think I might give it a try. Seeing as nothing else works... And seeing as I am confused as hell by all of this.
What is going on with me? Am I truly falling for this guy or am I just trying to attach myself to him because I feel like he is the only person that actually understands me? Or that I FEEL that actually understands me, I should say.
I don't know... I just don't know, anymore.
I'm just lost.
I don't know how to get found.
I am truly a GirlWithoutAClueAnymore
And as always. I don't have the answers. I don't think I ever will... Maybe I should talk to my Grandpa. He always makes me feel better even if I don't remember our conversations. I think I might give it a try. Seeing as nothing else works... And seeing as I am confused as hell by all of this.
What is going on with me? Am I truly falling for this guy or am I just trying to attach myself to him because I feel like he is the only person that actually understands me? Or that I FEEL that actually understands me, I should say.
I don't know... I just don't know, anymore.
I'm just lost.
I don't know how to get found.
I am truly a GirlWithoutAClueAnymore
Love
Does anyone ever wonder what it feels like to fall in love? I know I do... I think that it would be like how it's described in movies or books. That it is such a wonderful thing and so powerful. Though, lately, I do not know if I do believe in it anymore. Then again. I think deep down, there is a little piece of me that believes in love and knows that someday it will happen to me. Of course, right now, I do not believe that. I've given up on guys because I don't want to deal with jerks, anymore. Either jerks or the nice guys that have girlfriends. Either way. I fall for the wrong guys. I think it's hard for me to really like a guy, but somehow, a guy has wormed his way through the barrier. When I'm around him, he makes me blush for no reason and no one has ever done that. When I talk to him, I just feel... I don't know. I'm just in a really good mood. Even if we don't talk about anything much or about serious things. Overall. I'm just happy to talk to him. I've dreamt about him a couple times. I think about him and replay our conversations in my head, a lot. He's just different from the other guys that I've liked. I know it's not a good thing because of the situation, but I don't care. To sound corny, I must say: "The heart wants what the heart wants." And right now, I'm cursing him. I'm cursing myself. Someone warned me that I would start falling for him and I think I am... I just HOPE TO GOD that I am wrong and that I am getting my feelings confused like how King did with our friend. That could be it, right? I could be wrong about my feelings. I often am... Though, with this, I'm not telling myself that I like him. I'm not telling myself anything. I'm just letting myself fall deeper into this shit hole I've created for myself. Nice, isn't it? For once, I'm letting myself open up a bit to let my feelings continue to grow and it's for the wrong person... I know that I need to stop this or at least figure out what is truly going on, but I don't want too. I want to know where my feelings will lead me. Besides, I think this would be a good lesson to me. He does not want me, but I want him. I'm setting myself up for heartbreak. I know that I'm going to get hurt, but I don't care. I need this. I need this heartbreak and this hurt. I need to teach myself a lesson... And if this guy has somehow found this and is reading it, if he has figured out that I am talking about him, I don't care. He can read this all he wants and I won't care. Maybe he should read this and know what is going on. Maybe it would help him in rejecting me, in hurting me. Maybe if he read this, it would be good for us both. I'm not sure how, but you never know, right? Anything can happen... I look forward to talking to him, every day. I always look for him on IM or look for a text from him or something. And when he does, I smile and I feel better. Even if I was having a good day, he always makes it better. Just by talking to me. And I love that feeling. I don't want it to go away anytime soon. I want to keep it and memorize it. I want to store it in the deepest parts of my mind so that when I am so upset that I am in the darkness, I can call upon the feeling and let it consume me. To let it pull me back into the living world. Or plain make me feel better on a bad day. I just want to keep this feeling for as long as I can. And if this guy wants to confront me about it, then so be it! If he is uncomfortable with it, then I shall put up that barrier and won't let it fall again. If he does not want me to have these feelings because of this situation, then I will make them go away. I can do that, no matter what King says. I am able to stop my feelings even if he thinks I can't.
In case you are wondering, I am not saying that I am in love with a guy. I am merely saying that I might be falling for him... Maybe.
EDIT:
Okay... Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I don't want him to know or confront me. I don't know what I'd do. I don't want it to be weird between us or something. And I don't want him to be upset or something... He does love someone else.
Yes. I am the fool who is falling for the guy who is in love with a very lucky girl.
Wonderful, isn't it?
I am purposefully setting myself up for heartbreak... Ahhh. The joys of being me <3
In case you are wondering, I am not saying that I am in love with a guy. I am merely saying that I might be falling for him... Maybe.
EDIT:
Okay... Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I don't want him to know or confront me. I don't know what I'd do. I don't want it to be weird between us or something. And I don't want him to be upset or something... He does love someone else.
Yes. I am the fool who is falling for the guy who is in love with a very lucky girl.
Wonderful, isn't it?
I am purposefully setting myself up for heartbreak... Ahhh. The joys of being me <3
6/28/10
Today (Again)
Yeah. I'm starting to think that I write on here far too much, but I can't help it. I need to write to get my thoughts out. Otherwise, I feel restricted or something. I don't know. I just need to write my thoughts to clear my head. Even if it's not exactly my 'thoughts', just writing about what I did during the day helps.
Anyways.
Today, I played my first ever softball game with my friend and the people from her church. It was great. I made it to first base and hit a couple balls. I'm proud of myself. I did pretty good for my first game!
After the game, my friend and her two friends and I went to DQ for a while. It was fun! They are HILARIOUS!! I just wish that I knew them a little better. I hate feeling so left out and stuff. It sucks =/ Though, I was laughing with them and everything. It was not so bad.
I'm currently IMing with King... He is asking questions that I have long since stopped asking myself.
Questions like: Who am I exactly? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do?
I don't really ask myself these questions anymore because I can't find the answers. So. Now. I just live life and let it unfold... Granted. My love life is really not that good at the moment. Then again. I am 17 years old and I probably shouldn't have a "love life", but whatever. I have a "like life". Haha. Either way. It BITES big time! I don't care. I just want to live and let things fall out how they should/want. It's easier than killing myself over some questions that I probably won't have an answer for, ever. I highly doubt that anyone will truly know the answer to those questions. They may think they know the answer, but they could be wrong... Right?
Ahhhh... How I love the deep conversations between King and I. <3
Anyways.
Today, I played my first ever softball game with my friend and the people from her church. It was great. I made it to first base and hit a couple balls. I'm proud of myself. I did pretty good for my first game!
After the game, my friend and her two friends and I went to DQ for a while. It was fun! They are HILARIOUS!! I just wish that I knew them a little better. I hate feeling so left out and stuff. It sucks =/ Though, I was laughing with them and everything. It was not so bad.
I'm currently IMing with King... He is asking questions that I have long since stopped asking myself.
Questions like: Who am I exactly? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do?
I don't really ask myself these questions anymore because I can't find the answers. So. Now. I just live life and let it unfold... Granted. My love life is really not that good at the moment. Then again. I am 17 years old and I probably shouldn't have a "love life", but whatever. I have a "like life". Haha. Either way. It BITES big time! I don't care. I just want to live and let things fall out how they should/want. It's easier than killing myself over some questions that I probably won't have an answer for, ever. I highly doubt that anyone will truly know the answer to those questions. They may think they know the answer, but they could be wrong... Right?
Ahhhh... How I love the deep conversations between King and I. <3
Random Thoughts For Today
So... I was rereading some more of my older journal entries and came across something that got me to thinking, AGAIN...
Is something wrong with me or am I just a normal teenager? Do normal teenagers have these thoughts and doubts? Or is something wrong with me mentally?
This one entry is about a couple different things. Like sex and suicide.
I am going to openly admit that I have thought about suicide. I have even imagined myself doing it, but I have NOT attempted it. The only reason why I have thought about it was because it made me feel better. Odd, I'm sure, but true. I would think/imagine it when my parents got angry with me or I was just plain upset about something. There really is no reason for me to have thought about it. I mean, I have a good life. I have it better than some people.
Of course, I do not think about it, anymore. I sorta stopped those thoughts a while ago. I know that suicide is NEVER the answer. It's just an "easy solution". A way to run away from your problems, not face them. Problems should be faced head on... Ha. Who am I to talk? I usually hide from my problems or put up some sort of barrier to keep them away. I rarely face them head on. Maybe that's why I can talk. Because I know how it is to not face your problems and deal with them..?
Sex.
Oh boy. That's such a difficult subject.
I will, also, openly admit that I have thought about having sex. Even though I am far too young too. I was wonder what it would be like and such. Don't worry. As a 17-yr-old, I have no intentions of having sex until I am older or married. Whichever comes first.
I know the risks that comes with having sex and I've learned from my Mom's mistake. She had me when she was 17 or 18. She even said that it was too young to have a baby. Especially in her case. She had a lot of stuff happening in such a short time. She even went to the abortion clinic, but obviously didn't go through with that. Which I'm VERY greatful for!
I want to have sex when I KNOW for sure that I am ready and can handle the consquences that come with it. Just in case I get a STD or get pregnant or whatever else can happen.
I mean, these teenagers that are having sex now are STUPID. (No offense, just my opinion) They really are because they have no clue what they're getting theirselves into. Most of the girls get pregnant and have babies. They can't handle it! Having a baby is a HUGE responsibilty and no one seems to understand. (At least, the people my age don't)
In my opinion. Sex is overrated.
But I'm sure I'll change my mind when I'm older and have experience with that.
Now. I am curious about something.
See... I have never been in a relationship or even been on a date. So, I don't know anything about that stuff.
When dealing with a guy, I go to my friends who have experience with dating.
Usually, the advice is wrong because of the guys that I attract. (Jerk-offs, losers, douches, etc)
Anyways. I have asked a lot of people and have even looked it up on the internet.
WHAT IS FLIRTING?!
There are far too many definitions to flirting, I lose track! Besides. I never know when I am flirting with a guy or not and it annoys the CRAP outta me!
It even annoys me when I'm talking to King (which is usually late at night), he says that he hits on me and flirts with me. (Not on purpose, mind you! Since he has a girlfriend, it sorta just happens)
I NEVER know when he's hitting on me or not. I'm FREAKIN' CLUELESS.
So. I ask...
Can someone help me?
Please. I could use some real advice and help on this. I'm 'bout ready to lose my mind.
Is something wrong with me or am I just a normal teenager? Do normal teenagers have these thoughts and doubts? Or is something wrong with me mentally?
This one entry is about a couple different things. Like sex and suicide.
I am going to openly admit that I have thought about suicide. I have even imagined myself doing it, but I have NOT attempted it. The only reason why I have thought about it was because it made me feel better. Odd, I'm sure, but true. I would think/imagine it when my parents got angry with me or I was just plain upset about something. There really is no reason for me to have thought about it. I mean, I have a good life. I have it better than some people.
Of course, I do not think about it, anymore. I sorta stopped those thoughts a while ago. I know that suicide is NEVER the answer. It's just an "easy solution". A way to run away from your problems, not face them. Problems should be faced head on... Ha. Who am I to talk? I usually hide from my problems or put up some sort of barrier to keep them away. I rarely face them head on. Maybe that's why I can talk. Because I know how it is to not face your problems and deal with them..?
Sex.
Oh boy. That's such a difficult subject.
I will, also, openly admit that I have thought about having sex. Even though I am far too young too. I was wonder what it would be like and such. Don't worry. As a 17-yr-old, I have no intentions of having sex until I am older or married. Whichever comes first.
I know the risks that comes with having sex and I've learned from my Mom's mistake. She had me when she was 17 or 18. She even said that it was too young to have a baby. Especially in her case. She had a lot of stuff happening in such a short time. She even went to the abortion clinic, but obviously didn't go through with that. Which I'm VERY greatful for!
I want to have sex when I KNOW for sure that I am ready and can handle the consquences that come with it. Just in case I get a STD or get pregnant or whatever else can happen.
I mean, these teenagers that are having sex now are STUPID. (No offense, just my opinion) They really are because they have no clue what they're getting theirselves into. Most of the girls get pregnant and have babies. They can't handle it! Having a baby is a HUGE responsibilty and no one seems to understand. (At least, the people my age don't)
In my opinion. Sex is overrated.
But I'm sure I'll change my mind when I'm older and have experience with that.
Now. I am curious about something.
See... I have never been in a relationship or even been on a date. So, I don't know anything about that stuff.
When dealing with a guy, I go to my friends who have experience with dating.
Usually, the advice is wrong because of the guys that I attract. (Jerk-offs, losers, douches, etc)
Anyways. I have asked a lot of people and have even looked it up on the internet.
WHAT IS FLIRTING?!
There are far too many definitions to flirting, I lose track! Besides. I never know when I am flirting with a guy or not and it annoys the CRAP outta me!
It even annoys me when I'm talking to King (which is usually late at night), he says that he hits on me and flirts with me. (Not on purpose, mind you! Since he has a girlfriend, it sorta just happens)
I NEVER know when he's hitting on me or not. I'm FREAKIN' CLUELESS.
So. I ask...
Can someone help me?
Please. I could use some real advice and help on this. I'm 'bout ready to lose my mind.
A few poems I've written
Beauty of Nature
The world today is magical
With scenes unseen
Majestic mountains uncared for
Magical miracles not witnessed
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
Raindrops are like tears
That the earth sheds
Because we don’t care
About it’s breathtaking splendors
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
A storm rages above the ocean
Waves crashing down on the shore
Mad that no one takes a moment
To realize it’s true meaning
Only thinking it’s a guaranteed death
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The clouds roll over the sun
Trying to get us to look up
At their intricate designs
Of little puppies or fire breathing dragons
We think they’re silly little floating
Cotton balls that make storms
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The stars twinkle at night
Hoping to get a compliment
On how shine just for us
Or how they light up the darkest
Of nights, even though they’re
Trillions of miles away
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The animals scream at us
To stop with our greediness
And obsession with money
For just a moment
To look at the Earth’s magnificence
To give thanks to the heavens
For letting us live here in our gorgeous world
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The wind roars at us to look
At the swaying plants
That nourishes us when we’re hungry,
Cure us when we’re sick,
Shade us on a hot day,
Protect us from prying eyes,
And ease our pain when it’s to much to bare
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The world is full of
Enchanting scenes and fairy-tale pictures
Of what brings joy and happiness
That lights up our darkened hearts
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The world is truly mind-blowing
When we take the time to look at it
Or when we are to busy with money
No matter what we are doing
Our world, our Earth, will always
Have those outstandingly beautiful
Scenes, where the sun shines on a
Snow capped mountain, just right,
Illuminating the iridescent color
Of the pearl white snow atop a purple mountain
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
We may not always witness
These truly astounding scenes
Of a setting sun descending beneath
The ocean as clear blue waves crash
Down on the smooth beach, singing
A sweet lullaby for the sleeping world
Or a sunrise, slowing ascending above
A forest of lush green trees
Swaying softly in the morning breeze,
Singing to the awakening world
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
There are a select few
That are truly the lucky ones
Which get to behold a spectacular scene
Of our breathtakingly beautiful world
In which we live, without knowing
How genuinely wonderful our world is
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
We need to keep the beauty
Make it last forever
So, take many pictures and treat
The world like it needs to be treated
Preserve the world of today for tomorrow
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
Forever and a Day
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll always be here
To help you through
The pain and happiness
Life dishes out
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll be by your side
Helping you fight
The endless fight
Between you and life
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll hold your hand
To guide you
Through the maze
Of your emotions
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll carry you
Through the rough patches
When you can no longer
Walk on your own
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll keep you warm
From the coldness
Of the world
Around us
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll be your light
When your world
Goes black
From things unseen
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll love you
No matter what
As a friend
And more
Forever
And a
Day
Are You
Are you some kind of wizard
Casting a spell on me to love you
Did you mean too
Are you some kind of potion master
Did you slip me a love potion
Do you want my love
Are you some kind of voodoo master
Do you have a doll of me on your shelf
Did you plan this
Are you some kind of instrumentalist
Playing with the strings of my heart
Do you know what you’ve been playing
Are you a love doctor
Cutting out my heart for keeps
Did you really want it
Are you something I’ve never heard of
Working your magic on my mind, soul, and heart
Do you understand what you’re doing to me
Are you innocent of all this
Not knowing what you’ve done
Did you know that I was falling for you
Are you just an innocent bystander
Watching, not knowing, that I’m falling deeper in love with you
Do you reject me and my feelings
Make Me Cry
I see you standing there
It’s like you actually care
I see the look on your face
It’s like you think you’re in place
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I feel your arms around me
It’s like you want to be
I feel your breath on my ear
It’s like you want to be here
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I look in your eyes
It’s like you have no lies
I look at your smile
It’s like you’re gunna stay for a while
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I hear your heart beating in time with mine
It’s like you wanted to cross the line
I hear your sweet voice whispering comforting words
It’s like you’re making me fly like the birds
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I feel your hand wiping my tears
It’s like you want to rid me of my fears
I feel your lips on my lips
It’s like you’re staying and not gunna give me the slip
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
Losing Someone Special
I know it’s hard to
Lose that special someone
I know you wish to
Cry and be sad
But they’re going where…
They’ll have fresher air
They’ll have green fields
They’ll have every flower imaginable
They’ll have everything they need
They’ll have their own loved ones
That they lost long ago
Most of all they’ll have no pain
Don’t forget to…
Remember the happy times you had together
Remember their smiling faces
Remember they helped you through
The rough and easy times
Remember they were there for you
Remember what you had with them
Instead of what you don’t have without them
Remember they love you
And always will
Remember where they are now
Remember who’s taking care of them now
Until you join them
Remember you’ll see them again
Remember it’s not good-bye, but
A see you later
Remember they would want
You to be happy not sad
Remember everything,
And forget nothing
Remember that they aren’t gone
They’re in your heart forever
Love and Pain
It sucks when you have to choose
Between love and pain
It’s a hard to make that choice
You want to be with your love
You don’t want the pain though
You can’t tell your happiness is better
You hesitate to feel pain
You hesitate to love
Sometimes you need to hurt to love
Without pain there is no love
Without love there is no pain
You can’t have one and not the other
You need to feel pain to know you’re alive
You need love to feel better when you’re down
You have love and pain will soon be there
To live free don’t be afraid of love and pain
You can’t truly live without them
Always take a chance with love and pain
Never give up on love or pain
Love Her
She’s slowly slipping away from you
So, reach out and wrap your arms around her
Pull her close, refuse to let her go
Tell her you need her by your side
You know if you let her slip away
You’ll never get her back again
She’ll be so far out of your reach
And you’ll regret letting her slip away
If you care for her at all
You won’t let her go
You’ll tell her how you feel
You’ll never regret telling her
You never tell her, you’ll never forgive yourself
You let her slip, you won’t be the one to catch her
You tell her, you’ll be happy you did
When she starts slipping again
Pull her close and whisper those words
Refuse to loosen your grip ever
Make sure she knows what she means to you
Untitled
When I have something to say
I think it’s not important enough
To share with anyone
When someone has something to say
I think it’s important enough
To share with everyone
I put myself down
Thinking I’m lower
Than everyone else
Everyone else is better than me
In everything and anything
They’re worthy of everything
I can’t be loved or liked
As more than a friend
Or play thing
Everyone can be loved
As more than a friend
Never a play thing
My opinions don’t matter
Nor do my feelings
Nothing of me matters
Everyone’s opinions matter
They’re feelings are worth knowing
Everything of them matters
I’m a nothing
A no one
Nothing worthy of anything
Everyone else is something
A someone A something very worthy of all
Untitled (This one I wrote for my best guy friend)
I haven’t known you long,
but I’ve known you long enough
to know when something’s wrong,
when you need someone to listen,
or when you’ve given up
I’ve been there for you
long enough to know
what to do or what to say
when to hush or when to talk
how to make you happy or how to make you upset
I’ve tried my hardest
to be the one
you know you can trust
with all you have
I try to
pick you up when you fall
keep you warm from the cold world
lend you a hand when needed
guide you when you’re lost
be there when you think no one is
If you walk away
I’ll be right behind you
If you turn away
I’ll be everywhere
If you leave
I’ll be wondering where you went
If you get lost
I’ll be right there with you
I’m here until the end (I’ll)
Fighting for you (Be)
Defending you (Your)
Protecting you (Shield)
Helping you (From)
Cheering for you (It)
Keeping you warm (All)
Loving you (Forever)
Perfect Boyfriend
How to describe such a perfect boyfriend?
He’s sweet, but not too sweet
He’s kind, but not that kind
He’s protective, but not overly protective
He’s cool, but not too cool
He’s there when you need him
He’s always watching out for you
He’ll help when he can
He’ll carry you when you can’t walk
He’ll stitch you up when you’re cut
When you need someone to talk to
He’ll be listening
When you’re lost and can’t find your way
He’ll guide you home
When you’re lonely and need company
He’ll sit with you
When you need comfort
He’ll hold you
When you think about killing yourself
He’ll talk you out of it
When your heart is broken
He’ll put the pieces back together
When you get attacked by someone
He’ll kick their a$$
When you need to be cheered up
He’ll make you laugh
When you feel like you’re falling
He’ll be there to catch you
When life gets harder
He’ll make it easier
When you need protection
He’ll be your shield
When you’re caught in the rain
He’ll be your umbrella
How to describe such a perfect boyfriend?
He’s a little bit of everything
He’s everything you need.
Falling
My wings shall disappear
When I shed this tear
I shall not stand tall
While I take this fall
My life is clearer
As my death comes nearer
No one can catch me
So, let me be
I shall die
That is no lie
So let me go peacefully
And we shall see
Each other again
Light
I feel like I’m falling
I’m leaving the light
I’ve got no one to be my hero
I’m falling so far
No one knows it
No one notices my pain
No one sees the silent tears
No one knows I shed them
I wish to die and leave it all behind
I’ve lost my way
I’ll never find it again
I’ve fallen so far I can’t be saved
My heart has lost it’s love for things
It’s become hollow and aches for affection
It can’t see the light, only darkness
It absorbs darkness everyday, never releasing it
No one cares enough to notice the light leaving
No one will worry if I disappear
No one will grieve if I leave this planet forever
No one will see the tears I shed
Tears
I’m so sad
I feel wetness on my cheeks
What is this wetness?
I’m so mad
I feel the wetness again
What is it?
I’m so broken
I feel it again
I wonder what it is
I’m slipping away
I don’t feel the familiar wetness
Where is it?
I’m a hollow nothing
Again the wetness is gone
Why isn’t it here?
I’m gone forever
I feel the wetness again
Why now?
Why Is It
Why is it
I love, but never loved back?
Why is it
I fall, but never caught?
Why is it
I’m lost, but never found?
Why is it
I give help, but never get help?
Why is it
I listen, but never listened to?
Why is it
I support, but never supported?
Why is it
I leave, but never missed?
Why is it
I look, but never looked at?
Why is it
I laugh, but never laughed with?
Why is it
I care, but never cared for?
Day by Day
Day by day
Life passes us by
We’re too caught up
In ourselves to have fun
Day by day
We take everything for granted
We never take time
To admire nature
Day by day
Out planet gets weaker
From our polluting businesses
And selfishness
Day by day
Our happiness flies out the window
From the greediness
That plagues our hearts
Day by day
Life passes us by
We’re too caught up
In ourselves to have fun
My Teenage Feelings
You love to tell me
How I feel
You say you know
What I’m going through
I’m not like you
Different time
Different feelings
Different people
I’m up
I’m down
I’m all around
I want to live
I want to die
I want to laugh
I want to cry
I want to be alone
I want company
Let me live
I want to be free
I want to run
I want to stay
I want to sleep
I want to play
I want to be me
I want normalcy
Give me space
Give me time
Stop telling me
How I feel
Let me be me
Let me decide
For myself
I’m a teenager
Let me be one!
Dark Silence
When I lay down at night
I silently cry myself to sleep
I feel so alone
I need to talk to someone,
But no one’s there to listen
I feel so small
In this huge world we call our own
I never let my tears fall
When anyone’s around
I know you’re right
When you say I can’t do nothing right
Or I can’t be trusted to do anything
But I still cry at night
Even when you want to turn back time
It’s all said and out there
Why don’t you just shout it out to the world
No matter what you say or do now
I’ll still cry myself to sleep
I’ll still need someone to talk too
And still no one will be there
Untitled
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
Care about someone
Worth your feelings
I’m not, never was, worthy
Of anyone’s love
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
I’ve been preparing for
This pain, since I fell
Don’t blame yourself
I knew it would happen
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
I was right, too
I’m a nothing,
No one should love
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
I don’t hate you
I hate me
I hate everything
About me
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
Care about something
That actually matters
That’s actually worth it
That’s a something
Instead of a nothing
Like me
Don't feel bad
Don't feel pity
Try not to care
About me
Let me know what you think! And if I should add more poems or not. =) I would LOVE to get some feedback on my poetry.
I took out some of the poems because I was unhappy with them. They were not some of my best f=works =/
The world today is magical
With scenes unseen
Majestic mountains uncared for
Magical miracles not witnessed
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
Raindrops are like tears
That the earth sheds
Because we don’t care
About it’s breathtaking splendors
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
A storm rages above the ocean
Waves crashing down on the shore
Mad that no one takes a moment
To realize it’s true meaning
Only thinking it’s a guaranteed death
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The clouds roll over the sun
Trying to get us to look up
At their intricate designs
Of little puppies or fire breathing dragons
We think they’re silly little floating
Cotton balls that make storms
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The stars twinkle at night
Hoping to get a compliment
On how shine just for us
Or how they light up the darkest
Of nights, even though they’re
Trillions of miles away
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The animals scream at us
To stop with our greediness
And obsession with money
For just a moment
To look at the Earth’s magnificence
To give thanks to the heavens
For letting us live here in our gorgeous world
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The wind roars at us to look
At the swaying plants
That nourishes us when we’re hungry,
Cure us when we’re sick,
Shade us on a hot day,
Protect us from prying eyes,
And ease our pain when it’s to much to bare
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The world is full of
Enchanting scenes and fairy-tale pictures
Of what brings joy and happiness
That lights up our darkened hearts
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
The world is truly mind-blowing
When we take the time to look at it
Or when we are to busy with money
No matter what we are doing
Our world, our Earth, will always
Have those outstandingly beautiful
Scenes, where the sun shines on a
Snow capped mountain, just right,
Illuminating the iridescent color
Of the pearl white snow atop a purple mountain
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
We may not always witness
These truly astounding scenes
Of a setting sun descending beneath
The ocean as clear blue waves crash
Down on the smooth beach, singing
A sweet lullaby for the sleeping world
Or a sunrise, slowing ascending above
A forest of lush green trees
Swaying softly in the morning breeze,
Singing to the awakening world
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
There are a select few
That are truly the lucky ones
Which get to behold a spectacular scene
Of our breathtakingly beautiful world
In which we live, without knowing
How genuinely wonderful our world is
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
We need to keep the beauty
Make it last forever
So, take many pictures and treat
The world like it needs to be treated
Preserve the world of today for tomorrow
People will look,
But won’t see
The true beauty
Of our world
Forever and a Day
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll always be here
To help you through
The pain and happiness
Life dishes out
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll be by your side
Helping you fight
The endless fight
Between you and life
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll hold your hand
To guide you
Through the maze
Of your emotions
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll carry you
Through the rough patches
When you can no longer
Walk on your own
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll keep you warm
From the coldness
Of the world
Around us
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll be your light
When your world
Goes black
From things unseen
Forever
And a
Day
I’ll love you
No matter what
As a friend
And more
Forever
And a
Day
Are You
Are you some kind of wizard
Casting a spell on me to love you
Did you mean too
Are you some kind of potion master
Did you slip me a love potion
Do you want my love
Are you some kind of voodoo master
Do you have a doll of me on your shelf
Did you plan this
Are you some kind of instrumentalist
Playing with the strings of my heart
Do you know what you’ve been playing
Are you a love doctor
Cutting out my heart for keeps
Did you really want it
Are you something I’ve never heard of
Working your magic on my mind, soul, and heart
Do you understand what you’re doing to me
Are you innocent of all this
Not knowing what you’ve done
Did you know that I was falling for you
Are you just an innocent bystander
Watching, not knowing, that I’m falling deeper in love with you
Do you reject me and my feelings
Make Me Cry
I see you standing there
It’s like you actually care
I see the look on your face
It’s like you think you’re in place
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I feel your arms around me
It’s like you want to be
I feel your breath on my ear
It’s like you want to be here
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I look in your eyes
It’s like you have no lies
I look at your smile
It’s like you’re gunna stay for a while
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I hear your heart beating in time with mine
It’s like you wanted to cross the line
I hear your sweet voice whispering comforting words
It’s like you’re making me fly like the birds
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
I feel your hand wiping my tears
It’s like you want to rid me of my fears
I feel your lips on my lips
It’s like you’re staying and not gunna give me the slip
Make me cry
You’ll wish to die
Make me laugh
You’ll wish to stay forever
Losing Someone Special
I know it’s hard to
Lose that special someone
I know you wish to
Cry and be sad
But they’re going where…
They’ll have fresher air
They’ll have green fields
They’ll have every flower imaginable
They’ll have everything they need
They’ll have their own loved ones
That they lost long ago
Most of all they’ll have no pain
Don’t forget to…
Remember the happy times you had together
Remember their smiling faces
Remember they helped you through
The rough and easy times
Remember they were there for you
Remember what you had with them
Instead of what you don’t have without them
Remember they love you
And always will
Remember where they are now
Remember who’s taking care of them now
Until you join them
Remember you’ll see them again
Remember it’s not good-bye, but
A see you later
Remember they would want
You to be happy not sad
Remember everything,
And forget nothing
Remember that they aren’t gone
They’re in your heart forever
Love and Pain
It sucks when you have to choose
Between love and pain
It’s a hard to make that choice
You want to be with your love
You don’t want the pain though
You can’t tell your happiness is better
You hesitate to feel pain
You hesitate to love
Sometimes you need to hurt to love
Without pain there is no love
Without love there is no pain
You can’t have one and not the other
You need to feel pain to know you’re alive
You need love to feel better when you’re down
You have love and pain will soon be there
To live free don’t be afraid of love and pain
You can’t truly live without them
Always take a chance with love and pain
Never give up on love or pain
Love Her
She’s slowly slipping away from you
So, reach out and wrap your arms around her
Pull her close, refuse to let her go
Tell her you need her by your side
You know if you let her slip away
You’ll never get her back again
She’ll be so far out of your reach
And you’ll regret letting her slip away
If you care for her at all
You won’t let her go
You’ll tell her how you feel
You’ll never regret telling her
You never tell her, you’ll never forgive yourself
You let her slip, you won’t be the one to catch her
You tell her, you’ll be happy you did
When she starts slipping again
Pull her close and whisper those words
Refuse to loosen your grip ever
Make sure she knows what she means to you
Untitled
When I have something to say
I think it’s not important enough
To share with anyone
When someone has something to say
I think it’s important enough
To share with everyone
I put myself down
Thinking I’m lower
Than everyone else
Everyone else is better than me
In everything and anything
They’re worthy of everything
I can’t be loved or liked
As more than a friend
Or play thing
Everyone can be loved
As more than a friend
Never a play thing
My opinions don’t matter
Nor do my feelings
Nothing of me matters
Everyone’s opinions matter
They’re feelings are worth knowing
Everything of them matters
I’m a nothing
A no one
Nothing worthy of anything
Everyone else is something
A someone A something very worthy of all
Untitled (This one I wrote for my best guy friend)
I haven’t known you long,
but I’ve known you long enough
to know when something’s wrong,
when you need someone to listen,
or when you’ve given up
I’ve been there for you
long enough to know
what to do or what to say
when to hush or when to talk
how to make you happy or how to make you upset
I’ve tried my hardest
to be the one
you know you can trust
with all you have
I try to
pick you up when you fall
keep you warm from the cold world
lend you a hand when needed
guide you when you’re lost
be there when you think no one is
If you walk away
I’ll be right behind you
If you turn away
I’ll be everywhere
If you leave
I’ll be wondering where you went
If you get lost
I’ll be right there with you
I’m here until the end (I’ll)
Fighting for you (Be)
Defending you (Your)
Protecting you (Shield)
Helping you (From)
Cheering for you (It)
Keeping you warm (All)
Loving you (Forever)
Perfect Boyfriend
How to describe such a perfect boyfriend?
He’s sweet, but not too sweet
He’s kind, but not that kind
He’s protective, but not overly protective
He’s cool, but not too cool
He’s there when you need him
He’s always watching out for you
He’ll help when he can
He’ll carry you when you can’t walk
He’ll stitch you up when you’re cut
When you need someone to talk to
He’ll be listening
When you’re lost and can’t find your way
He’ll guide you home
When you’re lonely and need company
He’ll sit with you
When you need comfort
He’ll hold you
When you think about killing yourself
He’ll talk you out of it
When your heart is broken
He’ll put the pieces back together
When you get attacked by someone
He’ll kick their a$$
When you need to be cheered up
He’ll make you laugh
When you feel like you’re falling
He’ll be there to catch you
When life gets harder
He’ll make it easier
When you need protection
He’ll be your shield
When you’re caught in the rain
He’ll be your umbrella
How to describe such a perfect boyfriend?
He’s a little bit of everything
He’s everything you need.
Falling
My wings shall disappear
When I shed this tear
I shall not stand tall
While I take this fall
My life is clearer
As my death comes nearer
No one can catch me
So, let me be
I shall die
That is no lie
So let me go peacefully
And we shall see
Each other again
Light
I feel like I’m falling
I’m leaving the light
I’ve got no one to be my hero
I’m falling so far
No one knows it
No one notices my pain
No one sees the silent tears
No one knows I shed them
I wish to die and leave it all behind
I’ve lost my way
I’ll never find it again
I’ve fallen so far I can’t be saved
My heart has lost it’s love for things
It’s become hollow and aches for affection
It can’t see the light, only darkness
It absorbs darkness everyday, never releasing it
No one cares enough to notice the light leaving
No one will worry if I disappear
No one will grieve if I leave this planet forever
No one will see the tears I shed
Tears
I’m so sad
I feel wetness on my cheeks
What is this wetness?
I’m so mad
I feel the wetness again
What is it?
I’m so broken
I feel it again
I wonder what it is
I’m slipping away
I don’t feel the familiar wetness
Where is it?
I’m a hollow nothing
Again the wetness is gone
Why isn’t it here?
I’m gone forever
I feel the wetness again
Why now?
Why Is It
Why is it
I love, but never loved back?
Why is it
I fall, but never caught?
Why is it
I’m lost, but never found?
Why is it
I give help, but never get help?
Why is it
I listen, but never listened to?
Why is it
I support, but never supported?
Why is it
I leave, but never missed?
Why is it
I look, but never looked at?
Why is it
I laugh, but never laughed with?
Why is it
I care, but never cared for?
Day by Day
Day by day
Life passes us by
We’re too caught up
In ourselves to have fun
Day by day
We take everything for granted
We never take time
To admire nature
Day by day
Out planet gets weaker
From our polluting businesses
And selfishness
Day by day
Our happiness flies out the window
From the greediness
That plagues our hearts
Day by day
Life passes us by
We’re too caught up
In ourselves to have fun
My Teenage Feelings
You love to tell me
How I feel
You say you know
What I’m going through
I’m not like you
Different time
Different feelings
Different people
I’m up
I’m down
I’m all around
I want to live
I want to die
I want to laugh
I want to cry
I want to be alone
I want company
Let me live
I want to be free
I want to run
I want to stay
I want to sleep
I want to play
I want to be me
I want normalcy
Give me space
Give me time
Stop telling me
How I feel
Let me be me
Let me decide
For myself
I’m a teenager
Let me be one!
Dark Silence
When I lay down at night
I silently cry myself to sleep
I feel so alone
I need to talk to someone,
But no one’s there to listen
I feel so small
In this huge world we call our own
I never let my tears fall
When anyone’s around
I know you’re right
When you say I can’t do nothing right
Or I can’t be trusted to do anything
But I still cry at night
Even when you want to turn back time
It’s all said and out there
Why don’t you just shout it out to the world
No matter what you say or do now
I’ll still cry myself to sleep
I’ll still need someone to talk too
And still no one will be there
Untitled
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
Care about someone
Worth your feelings
I’m not, never was, worthy
Of anyone’s love
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
I’ve been preparing for
This pain, since I fell
Don’t blame yourself
I knew it would happen
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
I was right, too
I’m a nothing,
No one should love
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
I don’t hate you
I hate me
I hate everything
About me
Don’t feel bad
Don’t feel pity
Try not to care
About me
Care about something
That actually matters
That’s actually worth it
That’s a something
Instead of a nothing
Like me
Don't feel bad
Don't feel pity
Try not to care
About me
Let me know what you think! And if I should add more poems or not. =) I would LOVE to get some feedback on my poetry.
I took out some of the poems because I was unhappy with them. They were not some of my best f=works =/
6/27/10
First Post
So. I'm sitting here at the computer. Serendipity is playing on the DVD player. It's fairly quiet except for the cars outside, the keys of the keyboard, and a computer mouse clicking.
I was supposed to go to the movies last Thursday with my friend/crush. Sadly. He claimed to have car problems. He didn't make it down. I believed him, but my parents doubted him. Mostly because of what happened a few months ago with this other guy. I'll call that the J incident. The J stands for jerk.
So, what happened was, I was supposed to meet this guy for a movie. We had set up previous "dates" to get together, but something got in the way. We texted a lot and such. But anyways. I get to the theater only to find that he was not there. I texted him a couple times. Finally. He texted back claiming that he thought it was later in the afternoon. I found out from my friend that the guy told her that he overslept... I have not talked to him since. He has not made an effort to talk to me.
I guess I wasn't that important afterall. Even after he said that he liked me a lot and wanted to date me. There was a lot said between us before the incident.
My parents did warn me, but I did not listen. Now, they believe that the new guy is just like the other guy. Who knows. Maybe he is. Hopefully, I made a right choice for once. I would hate to have another jerk enter my life. I've had three of them and that's enough for me.
So. I have to ask.
Is something wrong with me? Why do I keep attracting the jerks?
Wasn't the first one enough? Did I do something in a past life for me to only meet jerks? It's not cool.
I'll type up more when I have the chance and feel like it.
I was supposed to go to the movies last Thursday with my friend/crush. Sadly. He claimed to have car problems. He didn't make it down. I believed him, but my parents doubted him. Mostly because of what happened a few months ago with this other guy. I'll call that the J incident. The J stands for jerk.
So, what happened was, I was supposed to meet this guy for a movie. We had set up previous "dates" to get together, but something got in the way. We texted a lot and such. But anyways. I get to the theater only to find that he was not there. I texted him a couple times. Finally. He texted back claiming that he thought it was later in the afternoon. I found out from my friend that the guy told her that he overslept... I have not talked to him since. He has not made an effort to talk to me.
I guess I wasn't that important afterall. Even after he said that he liked me a lot and wanted to date me. There was a lot said between us before the incident.
My parents did warn me, but I did not listen. Now, they believe that the new guy is just like the other guy. Who knows. Maybe he is. Hopefully, I made a right choice for once. I would hate to have another jerk enter my life. I've had three of them and that's enough for me.
So. I have to ask.
Is something wrong with me? Why do I keep attracting the jerks?
Wasn't the first one enough? Did I do something in a past life for me to only meet jerks? It's not cool.
I'll type up more when I have the chance and feel like it.
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