I had fun at my cousins' this weekend. It was great. The concert was AMAZING! I had so much fun. Lady Gaga is great. She's just awesome. Really. She is. I mean, wow! She's really great to her fans. She calls them her Little Monsters. I'm a Littler Monster, now. She's just that great... I have a shirt that my cousin bought me from the concert. It's so awesome!!
When we were at the tables with the shirts and everything, people were pushing against each other. Everyone was pressed against each other. It was weird, but for once, I was not shy. I did not mind having people pressed against me. It was weird. I was just having such a great time. I was even moving and dancing and singing and everything during her performance. It was that into it... This rebuidling of my system is great. I was not shy or anything.
At my cousins house, I was comfortable. Barely awkward, only because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I did not even feel bad when my cousin bought me things and stuff. It did not bother me like it does when my parents buy my stuff or give me money. And I did not feel bad when my parents gave me money to take up there or buy me snacks for the train. I was happy. I was (slightly) carefree.
I'm glad I'm starting to rebuild my system. I really need it. There's a lot that I have to work on and everything.
My cousin is great. She's really awesome for a forty-year-old woman of two boys. She's easy to talk to and she gets things. You know? She really gets it. She understands.
But enough about that. I have to reveal some things that I learned on this trip.
He asked me a question the other day and I could not answer it. He asked what my Principles were. I did not know how to answer for some reason. I could not think of them.
Well. Now, I have an answer for him.
Here're my principles:
1. Everyone is equal and I am no better or worse than anyone
2. Lying is wrong, but there are some cases where some small lies could be okay
3. You have to respect your elders
4. Loyalty is important
5. Be nice to people even if they are not nice to you (but there are cases when you can't be nice)
6. Never cheat on someone
7. Don't leave someone for someone else
There's more to come, but those are the only ones I can think of at the moment.
...I came home to an email saying that He thinks it will not work between us. Something that I've been telling him from the beginning. He needs a break from dating (I said it first!!)... Honestly. I was happy he said that. I don't want a relationship right now. Mostly because I only have him as an option. what if I meet someone during school or next summer? What then? I can't break up with him because that is just wrong. You can NOT leave someone just to be with someone else. That is NOT how it works. You leave someone when you know that things are over between the two of you.
Besides. I don't want anything more than friednship from him. I don't want to lose him. What if something happens between us if we started dating? We might not want to talk to each other. I don't want that. I want him to stay in my life for as long as possible. I need him in my life. I do not care if we don't date. That's fine with me. I don't mind. He's a friend and that's how I want it to stay... I hope he understands.
I have things that I need to work on before I can even start dating. I have to rework my system and get that straightened. I can't be in a relationship when I'm trying to do that. I won't fully be there. Just partly there. You know?
Anyway... I did miss Him while I was gone. I missed talking to him and my other friends. I was looking forward to talking ot him when i came back. Hopefully, I can, sometimes soon. But if he's busy, then that's fne. I'll just chill and wait until he wants to talk. I'm patient.
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