Never Go Against A Cicilian When Death Is On The Line!!

You know what... FUCK THIS SHIT! 
Yes, I actually cursed. I used the actual curse words. Beautiful, wasn't it? 

I'm taking a chance and I'm going to risk it all. I have no clue why, but who cares! I NEED TO TAKE RISKS! I need to live. It's the only way I'm going to learn, right? Right! 
So, I'm going to tear down the walls and let this damn hope out! I'm going to wait for Him. I'm going to wait for him to tell me that he fixed things with Her. That the small hope he gave me... Well, that he was yanking it away, yet again! And guess what? I don't care! I don't. I'm going to see how bad hoping really is. How much trouble I get into.... I'm kind of excited, now, to see what happens. 


Also, if this doesn't work out (like we all know it's not going to), I'm going to rewire my system... Probably start, now, instead of waiting, but I'm not sure yet... Anyway. I'm going to rewire my whole system. I'm going to completely change things and hopefully get myself back into order... Wish me luck! 
I know it's going to be hell, but I could care less! This is what I need. Something I've need for the longest time, now. 


I'm not doing this for Him, but for me. Just know that. This is for me. All for me. I need it more than anyone can realize... I'm not ready to discover myself, yet, but I'll be damned if that keeps me from trying! 


I'm not going to be scared, anymore. I don't want to be afraid. Not anymore. The fear is just holding me back and I can't have that. I have college next fall and I need to have some idea of what I want. I will have to start applying myself, again... I need to get my motivation back for my last year of high school! 

So, yeah... I'll type more, but I have to get ready for my softball game... I'll make another post when I get back tonight ^-^